Grief, Trauma & Your Mama™ · A survivor’s guide to traumatic loss
No Time to Prepare
After a sudden deathSomeone you love died without warning. An accident. A heart that stopped. A suicide, an overdose, an act of violence, a disaster. There was no time to prepare and no goodbye.
This guide is for the weeks and months after. It is short on purpose, because a body in shock can only take in a little at a time. Open it anywhere. Skip what you are not ready for.
Written by Angela Schellenberg, licensed grief and trauma therapist.
Delivered to your inbox in a minute or two. Questions? Ask Angela.
If you are in crisis right now: call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any hour in the US. You can also text HOME to 741741. If you are in danger, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. Outside the US, contact your local emergency number.
A sudden death takes the person and the goodbye at the same time. So grief has to hold both: them, and the day you did not know was the last.
what is happening in you
Grief and shock, in the same moment
Grief is what happens when an attachment bond breaks. Your nervous system was organized around this person. It knew where they would be and how they would sound.
Trauma is what happens when something overwhelms the body’s ability to take it in. The news arrived faster than any mind could absorb it, so your body went into emergency mode. For many people it stays there long after the funeral.
Grief researcher Mary-Frances O’Connor describes grief as a kind of learning. Part of your brain still expects them to call, to walk through the door, to answer the text. When a death is sudden, that map had no warning at all. The searching, the numbness, the racing heart at the sound of the phone: these responses make sense.
why I wrote this
Sudden loss is personal for me
My father was killed in 1988. I know from the inside what it is to get the call. I am a proud survivor of gun violence loss.
I trained in Restorative Retelling with Dr. Ted Rynearson, a method built for bereavement after violent death, and I have spent my career sitting with people in the first years after the worst day. I wrote this guide for those years.
what’s inside
Twenty-nine pages to open anywhere
Short pages to read, pages to write in, and lists you can hand to the people around you. Nothing has to be done in order, and nothing has to be finished.
- The last ordinary day
- Grief and trauma at once, and why your brain still expects them
- What to do when the images come
- The first weeks: what needs attention soon, and what can wait
- Questions without answers, and the if-onlys
- A page for when the death was suicide or overdose
- Your window of tolerance, with ways back into your body
- A grounding plan and a body map to fill in
- What else you lost: naming the secondary losses
- The goodbye you did not get, and a letter to them
- Anniversaries, triggers and a hard-days plan
- Telling people what you need, with a cut-out card to hand someone
- When to reach for more support, and how to find a trauma-informed therapist
- Crisis lines and support organizations, each with a QR code
get the guide
Yours in a minute or two
No Time to Prepare
29-page PDF
- The full 29-page guide
- Print at home or write in it on a tablet
- Delivered to your inbox right after checkout
questions
Before you buy
Who is it for?
Anyone whose person died without warning: an accident, a heart attack, a suicide, an overdose, an act of violence, a disaster. Some people also send it to a friend in the weeks after a sudden death.
How do I get it?
Instantly, by email. As soon as checkout finishes, a download link arrives in your inbox. Save the file once it opens.
Is it a printed book?
It is a PDF. Print it at home, or open it on a tablet and write in it with a stylus. It is US letter size.
Is it therapy?
It is an educational guide for personal reflection. If you want a therapist, the guide has a page on what to look for and what to ask, including questions about EMDR.
What if I am in crisis?
Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any hour in the US. Text HOME to 741741 to reach a trained crisis counselor. If you are in danger, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. Outside the US, contact your local emergency number.
Can I get a refund?
Because it is an instant digital download, all sales are final. If the file will not open or something goes wrong, email me and I will send it to you personally.
Want a person with you?
Some weeks a guide is enough. Some weeks you want someone with you. There is a free fifteen-minute call, if you want it.
Book a free 15-minute call