A free nervous-system resource

101 Distress Tolerance Tips: A Nervous-System-Friendly Menu of Grounding and Coping Tools

If you are here, you are not behind and you are not doing this wrong. Emotional regulation is not about calming down or fixing yourself. It is about learning how to stay with the full range of your emotions in a way that feels safer in your body.

Grief, loss, and trauma often leave the nervous system on edge or shut down. The heart races, thoughts loop, memories intrude, and we lose track of small things. None of this means something is wrong with you. It means you are human, and your nervous system is doing its best to protect you.

This is a gentle menu for the moments when you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure what you need. You do not have to do all of these, and you do not have to do them perfectly. Choose one, see what happens, and learn your nervous system as you go. If a tool helps, wonderful. If it does not, that is good information too.

One thing to know first: once a nervous system is fully activated, it can take twenty minutes or more to come all the way back down. So if you try something and thirty seconds later you still feel flooded, nothing is wrong with you or with the tool. Stay with it, or stack a few. Give your body the whole twenty minutes.

Want all 101 as a free printable?

The full list below is yours to read right now. If you would like the full printable PDF you can save, print, and return to on a hard day, leave your name and email and it is on its way.

Ground

Tips 1 to 16

1Press both feet flat into the floor and feel it push back.
2Stand on one foot. Balance drags the brain into the present.
3Wiggle your toes. Slowly. One foot, then the other.
4Squeeze your nail beds, one finger at a time.
5Press your palms together hard for ten seconds, then release.
6Hold an ice cube until it melts a little.
7Run cold water over your wrists.
8Splash cold water on your face.
9Name five things you can see, out loud.
10Name four things you can hear.
11Touch three textures within reach and describe them.
12Stand barefoot on grass, dirt, or cool tile.
13Push against a wall like you are trying to move it.
14Squeeze your fists tight, then let go. Ten times.
15Rub your palms together until warm, then cup them over your eyes.
16Hold something heavy with both hands: a book, a stone, a full mug.

Breath

Tips 17 to 26

17One long exhale. In for four, out for eight.
18Bubble breathing: imagine a bubble wand at your lips. Blow slowly and softly, or the bubble pops.
19Box breathing: in four, hold four, out four, hold four.
20Hum one long low note. Feel it in your chest.
21Sigh out loud, on purpose, three times.
22Breathe in something with a smell: coffee, a lemon, a bar of soap.
23Blow on a hot drink like you are cooling it, longer than you need to.
24Breathe out through a straw, or through lips shaped like one.
25Put one hand on your chest and breathe until the hand rises slower.
26Count your exhales to ten. Start over if you lose count. Losing count is fine.

Pressure and Wrap

Tips 27 to 36

27The trauma taco: lie on a blanket and swaddle yourself in it, snug. Stay wrapped. Deep pressure tells the body it is held.
28A weighted blanket, twenty minutes.
29The butterfly tap: cross your arms over your chest and tap slowly, left, right, left, right.
30One hand on your heart, one on your belly. Just leave them there.
31Give your own upper arms a firm squeeze, shoulder to elbow.
32Hug a pillow against your chest.
33Tuck yourself into a corner of the couch with cushions on both sides.
34Wear something snug: a fitted hoodie, a wrap, a scarf.
35Put your hand on the back of your own neck, warm and firm.
36Let someone who is safe hug you for a full thirty seconds.

Move

Tips 37 to 48

37Legs up the wall. Lie on your back, run your legs up the wall, stay ten minutes.
38Walk around the block. No destination, no phone.
39Walk long. The left-right rhythm helps a brain digest what is too big to sit with.
40Sway side to side, like you would with a baby on your hip.
41Rock in a rocking chair, or just rock.
42Dance badly to one song.
43Shake out your hands, hard, thirty seconds.
44Stretch your arms up as high as they go, then let them fall.
45Roll your shoulders back five times, forward five times.
46March in place and swing your arms.
47Climb the stairs one extra time, slowly.
48Knead something: dough, clay, a stress ball, a pillow.

Warmth and Taste

Tips 49 to 56

49Make the extra cup of tea. Hold it with both hands before you drink it.
50A long, hot shower. Let the water land on the back of your neck.
51A hot water bottle on your chest or belly.
52Warm socks. It matters more than it should.
53Suck on something sour or minty and notice everything about it.
54An ice pack on the back of the neck when everything races.
55Eat one thing slowly, tasting it on purpose.
56Warm your hands around a bowl of soup you did not have to make.

Senses and Orient

Tips 57 to 66

57Open a window and put your face in the air.
58Watch clouds move for five minutes.
59Light a candle and watch the flame settle.
60Pet an animal slowly, and let it pet you back.
61Look at the horizon, the farthest thing you can see.
62Turn your head slowly and let your eyes sweep the whole room.
63Listen for the quietest sound in the room.
64Hold something from nature: a stone, a shell, a pinecone.
65Look at green things: a plant, a tree, out any window.
66Put on the softest thing you own.

Tiny Kindnesses

Tips 67 to 78

67Buy yourself flowers. Yes, for no reason. That is the reason.
68Speak to yourself out loud, gently, by name, the way you would speak to someone you love.
69Make the bed slowly, like it matters, because it does.
70Water a plant.
71Clean one small corner. One. Then stop.
72Put lotion on your hands like you have all the time in the world.
73Wash your face with a warm cloth.
74Wear the good perfume on an ordinary day.
75Cancel one thing without explaining.
76Let the machine answer the phone.
77Sit in the sun for ten minutes with your eyes closed.
78Light the good candle. It was always for this.

Quiet The Loop

Tips 79 to 86

79Write the looping thought on paper, then close the notebook. It will keep.
80Set a ten-minute timer and let yourself worry hard until it rings. Then get up and move.
81Count backwards from two hundred by sevens.
82Name a flower, or a name, for every letter of the alphabet.
83Do one small task with your full attention: peel an orange, fold five shirts.
84Put the phone in another room for one hour.
85Say the date, your name, and where you are, out loud.
86Read one poem instead of the news.

With People

Tips 87 to 93

87Text one person the truth about today. One sentence is enough.
88Sit somewhere with people without having to talk: a cafe, a library, a bench.
89Call someone just to hear a voice, and say that is why you called.
90Let someone bring you food, and let that be the whole visit.
91Ask someone to just listen, no fixing. Say those words: no fixing.
92Sit with someone who knew them and say nothing at all.
93Hold someone's hand. Hand-holding measurably calms a frightened brain.

Rest

Tips 94 to 101

94Lie flat on the floor for five minutes. Let it hold you.
95Nap without apologizing to anyone, including yourself.
96Go to bed absurdly early, once a week.
97Screens off thirty minutes before sleep. Grief is loud enough.
98Keep water by the bed. Grief is thirsty work.
99Let the dishes wait. They are famously patient.
100Do nothing for ten whole minutes and call it what it is: recovery.
101Lower the bar. Then lower it again. Today's bar is: alive, watered, fed.

Keep all 101 close for the next hard day

These tools land best when they are within reach before you need them. Get the full printable PDF you can save and return to, and keep it somewhere gentle and easy to find.

You do not have to do this alone

Wrap this list around yourself on the hard days. When you are ready for more company or more support, here are a few gentle next steps.